I’ve always
had an attitude a little bit like my dad.
Yes, things are difficult now but I believe things are going to get
better if I just keep working at it. Over the last few months I’ve been feeling
myself change and I’m not happy with the change. Is there any hope for my family’s future? Are we ever going to overcome the absolute
destruction we’ve encountered? There have been so many years of working hard to
recover from pay cuts and unemployment or just life in general. I start to see the light at the end of the
tunnel and then BAM!!! We slam into
another financial brick wall, often something totally out of our control. The list has been endless! I have had faith
for a long time, but now I feel life beating my faith out of me. I am grieving over it. I’m losing a part of me and I need to get it
back. That is one of the reasons I am
writing this blog; to dig deep and find that faith in me again.
With Ethan’s
first birthday coming up, I have been thinking about the labor and delivery I
went through to get him here. I remember
sitting in an exam room crying as my time to deliver approached. My obstetrician, Dr. Lamb, had informed me an
on call doctor may have to deliver the baby if I went into labor when he wasn’t
on call. Dr. Lamb, who had delivered my
older two kids and helped me through a miscarriage, quietly handed me a tissue.
I told him I wasn’t sure I could handle
the instability of having an on call doctor deliver my baby after all the
instability our family had been experiencing.
The fact that my family was living in a friend’s basement and a lot of
my baby stuff was still hiding in a storage unit was almost more than I could
handle. It was January and it was COLD. The negative temps sure didn’t help my
negative attitude at the time.
During the
first week of January 2014, I was having very painful contractions and I was
totally miserable; but, I wasn’t going into labor. Because I had been induced with Parker, and
because of the pain I was experiencing, I ask Dr. Lamb if I could be induced with
Ethan a little earlier than my due date.
He said that it was fine with him and scheduled the induction for
Thursday the 9th of January. He also told me that I could have the nursing
staff call him even though he would not be on call. Brent had an interview
scheduled at a law firm in Denver for the following Monday. After 6 months of
unemployment it was as big of a deal if not bigger than the baby being
born. It was the first interview Brent
had scheduled in Colorado since September and it felt like our last hope of
bringing our baby home to a family that was no longer unemployed and relying on
charity. The timing would be perfect! Go in, have the baby, be discharged by Monday
so Brent could go in for his interview. I finally had relief in sight!
A friend at
our church, Trish, offered to take our older kids while we were in the
hospital. I was scheduled to check into
the hospital to be induced at 10 pm on the 9th of January. Little did we know at the time that things
wouldn’t be so simple, like they had been with my previous two deliveries.
Prior to
checking into the hospital we went to multiple places trying to find something
to eat. Most places were closed. We finally made it to the hospital only to
encounter a grumpy nurse who informed us that many expected moms had gone into
labor just before I got to the hospital.
She also informed us there had been a scheduling error. They had scheduled me to be induced on Friday
the 10th. There was no room
for me. I told them there was a mistake
and asked them to call my doctor. The
grumpy nurse told me there was no way she was going to call my doctor. I kept telling her that he told me to have
them call him and she just snidely remarked, “That’s what everyone says about
their doctor, then we call the doctor and they get mad at us for not calling
the doctor on call. I am not calling
your doctor. You should just go home and
come back tomorrow night when you’re scheduled”. All Brent and I could think about was his
interview on Monday. I was having painful
contractions and asked the nurse if she would at least check me before I
left. I was checked and told that I was
having contractions but I wasn’t dilated.
By the time
we were headed back home it was midnight.
I was sobbing and Brent was driving angry. It ended up being one of the most emotionally
difficult and painful nights I have ever had.
I prayed to God that night and asked why things were always so difficult
and why He couldn’t just give us a break. We didn’t end up going to sleep until 4 a.m. At 8 a.m. I called our friend, Trish, who told
me she would come to get the kids so we could sleep. My doctor also spoke with me and said he
would call the two hospitals he delivered at until one of them had space for
me. Both hospitals had been busy and full but Sky Ridge, the hospital I was
originally scheduled for, sounded horribly busy. Women were laboring in the triage rooms and
in the hallway. I was also told that
there had been something like six emergency C-sections that night as well. This was double their usual number.
After trying
to get rest that day and feeling stressed that both hospitals were too busy to
take us, we finally got a call from Dr. Lamb, who told us that Parker Adventist
would take us that night at 7 p.m. and that he was also waiting to hear from
Sky Ridge. The charge nurse from Sky
Ridge Hospital called me around four in the afternoon and told me to hurry; the
hospital finally had a spot for me in labor and delivery. We left as fast as we could. When I walked in, the first thing I told the
charge nurse was that Dr. Lamb said to call him even though he was not on
call. She responded with, “I KNOW!! He’s been calling us all day about you”. Then I was informed that the nurses were
going to place me in a shared room but five minutes before I arrived a private
room had become available. The nurses
assured me they would give me that room.
I was shown
to my room and the nurse checked me and then gave me a medication that would help
start the process of labor. I felt
horrible and didn’t ever really sleep through the night. During most of the night my amazing nurse had
to keep coming in to find the baby’s heart rate on the monitor. About four in the morning I noticed the nurse
was in my room a lot watching the baby’s heart rate. She told me with each contraction my baby’s
heart rate was going down and the reason could be something as simple as the
baby holding onto the cord and squeezing it with each contraction. I remember not being too concerned by it
because the nurse seemed calm. Little
did I know at that time these labor and delivery professionals always seem calm,
even in the most extreme emergencies, so that you will stay calm. It’s probably a good strategy.
When the
morning nurse came in to check on me she checked to see how far along I was. I was dilated to a two but she commented on
the fact that the baby felt really high and she seemed a little concerned about
that. She was in my room a lot. She could tell that Brent and I had some
anxieties and wondered what was going on.
I let her know that it was because of the last 24 hours and how
frustrating they had been and because of Brent’s unemployment and the worry we
felt about him making it to the upcoming interview. I kind of remember her saying something like,
“So you’re not worried about the delivery?” and me saying something like, “Should
I be? Is there something wrong?” As far as the nurse could tell nothing was
wrong. So I told her I wanted to have an
epidural because I could no longer handle the pain. The anesthesiologist came soon after. He gave me the epidural, which felt a little
different than the ones I had gotten during my first two deliveries. After an hour the epidural was not working at
all and my nurse was not leaving my room. For
some reason I still thought everything was fine with the baby and that the
nurse was just there because of how distraught Brent and I had been feeling
about our life situation.
I was
beginning to feel really frustrated that we had been hitting so many road
blocks and that when things were already difficult to bear I had to bear
more. You know those experiences when
you plan to go to the temple and your whole day falls apart and even the
elements are against you going to the temple and you become exasperated. That’s what this was beginning to feel like,
but worse.
The nurse
called the anesthesiologist and asked him to come figure out what was going on
and why the epidural wasn’t working. From this point on things seemed to go in fast
forward. The anesthesiologist was
baffled, tried a few things that didn’t work and even told me this rarely
happens if ever. He had me sit up and I
noticed blood on the sheet. When I asked
about it both the anesthesiologist and the nurse said it was maybe a bloody
show and the nurse said she would examine me after my epidural was looked
at. While focusing on the questions the
anesthesiologist was asking me I overheard Brent say, “That is a lot of
blood. Is it ok for her to be bleeding so
much?” Then the anesthesiologist told me
he was going to pull out the epidural and give me a spinal tap since I was in
so much pain. During all this the baby’s
heart rate was still going down with each contraction and the nurse was
becoming more concerned with it. I
finally felt the sweet relief of my lower half going very numb, very fast. The nurse examined me then told me she was
going to call my doctor and have the doctor that was on the floor at the nurses
station come in to look at me because of the bleeding. I overheard someone tell my nurse that Dr.
Lamb’s son had to get him out of the shower but that he was on his way. When the doctor on the floor came in the room
and saw my bleeding and the baby’s heart rate, he told me it looked like the placenta
was partially detached but had to still be partially attached in order for the
baby’s heart rate to keep going back up after each contraction. At that point
he told me I might need a C-section. I
started crying and Brent kept asking me what was wrong. I finally admitted that I was feeling guilty about
being induced and was worried that I may have caused the problem. The floor doctor reassured me that I had done
nothing wrong and that this would have happened whether I had gone in labor naturally
or if I had been induced.
I wanted
Brent to give me a blessing but the nurse would not leave the room so I finally
just asked him for the blessing and told her she could stay if she wanted
to. She told me she would monitor the
baby from the nurse’s station and come back in 10 minutes. Brent gave me a short but powerful
blessing. I was told that Ethan would
not die and that God had a great work for him to do. There was more that was said that brought me
great peace and helped me through the rest of the ordeal.
Dr. Lamb and
my nurse, Rachel, came into the room a few minutes later. At that point it was as if pure chaos was
upon us. Dr. Lamb watched Ethan’s heart
rate go from 130 to 30. He broke my
water then checked to see how far I was dilated. He also placed a fetal monitor on the baby’s
head so he could keep track of the baby’s heart rate better. I was dilated to a 4. Then he said, “We are going to go forward
with a vaginal birth but plan for a C-section to be cautious.” He left to get dressed. The nurse gave papers to Brent to sign to
give permission for blood transfusions and a C-section. Then Brent was rushed off to get changed into
scrubs. The anesthesiologist came by at
that time and said, “Wow! It looks like there may be a change in plans. It’s a good thing we gave you that spinal
tap. Otherwise, if you have a C-section
you would have had to go under and your husband woudn’t be allowed in the room
when your baby is born”………………Come again, what did he just say?!
Dr. Lamb
came back, watched another drop of the baby’s heartrate and said, “We are still
going to plan on doing a vaginal birth but we are going to the operating room
to deliver the baby just to be safe.”
They began wheeling me down the hall way and I heard Dr. Lamb tell me,
“We are really lucky that we aren’t running you into the operating room to get
the baby out as fast as possible. This
is a good thing.” I remember thinking
that it felt like an emergency but I was glad that it wasn’t as bad as it could
be.
When I got
to the operating room it seemed like there was at least ten people waiting for
me. Dr. Lamb checked to see if I was
further dilated and I heard him say, “She’s still at a 4.” Then he turned to the monitor to see the
baby’s heartrate during another contraction.
Everyone in the room was silent.
Then he said, “We’ve got to get the baby out, he’s not going to handle
this much longer.” The next two minutes
went by very fast. Everyone started
running around. A different anesthesiologist was up by my head and started
pushing things into my IV and epi line.
He was explaining what everything was and why he was giving it to
me. Dr. Lamb went out in the hall to
scrub up and was casually talking to Brent and asking him about his job
interview while Brent watched me with a panicked look on his face through the
hall window. Dr. Lamb came back in and
kept asking for the floor doctor to come in and help him. Brent was brought in
and sat next to my head on a stool. I
had been crying through this whole process but I felt at peace and knew
everything would be okay. I felt
pressure in my abdomen and then I heard Dr. Lamb exclaim, “He has the cord
wrapped around his neck twice and it is really tight!” I then heard crying for about 30
seconds. The crying stopped and I heard
a nurse say, “Come here dad and cut the cord.”
Brent got up then told me how calm Ethan was. They brought Ethan over to me and his face
was smooshed and puffy but he was looking all around and didn’t seem too upset
about being released from his cocoon.
Ethan was probably just relieved that the umbilical cord wasn’t choking
him anymore.
The nurse came
to take Ethan to the nursery to get washed, weighed and measured and Brent went
with him. The two doctors started to sew
me up. At first they were chatting with
each other and then Dr. Lamb started to talk to me. He started to say, “Well now we know what was
wrong. Because your baby was wrapped up
in the cord he was pulling the placenta off the uterine wall. That was also
preventing him from descending down the birth canal. Because the cord was wrapped up every time a
contraction happened it would cut off his oxygen causing his heart rate to go
down. It is a really good thing you were
induced. If you had gone into labor on
your own you both wouldn’t have gotten help soon enough.” Then he started to ask about Brent’s job
interview.
Later when I
was in recovery I asked my nurse, Rachel, if what Dr. Lamb said was true and
she bluntly told me that being induced saved both our lives. She said that I would have had to have a
C-section no matter what and that if I had gone into labor on my own I most
likely would have bled out and the baby would have died before help could have
gotten to us. I couldn’t believe it to
be honest.
Then
everything that had occurred over the last 48 hours came flooding back to
me. In a matter of 40 minutes every
struggle we had encountered, every wall we had hit transformed from a struggle
and a burden into lifesaving tender mercies.
God was very much intervening in our lives and He was doing it by giving
us what seemed at the time one trial rolling into another. I even remember thinking in the midst of it
that it was ridiculous how many things were going wrong and that it seemed
someone was setting us up for failure.
No one can have that bad of luck.
In reality we were being watched after and cared for.
Just to
organize it for you the following are the miracles that led to Ethan’s
birth: 1) Having been induced before, 2)
My contractions being severe enough that I asked the doctor if I could be
induced early, 3) Having my induction misscheduled so that I would be turned
away during a very busy night with nurses who maybe would not have been as
attentive and who refused to call my doctor because he wasn’t on call, 4) Not
being at the hospital during a night the operating room was busier than normal,
5) Being given my own room because of the attention Dr. Lamb had given me the
day before, 6) Dr. Lamb providing me extra
attention because of the upcoming job interview Brent had and the fact that we
were in such a desperate situation of being unemployed, 7) Sky Ridge Hospital
having an open spot before Parker Adventist and putting us with in a five
minute drive from Dr. Lamb’s home, 8) My
epidural not working the first time, causing me to sit up and discover the
hemorrhaging, 9) Receiving a spinal tap so I would not be put under for the
C-section and so my husband could be part of the delivery, 10) due to Brent’s unemployment I was on
Medicaid and had much better coverage than we would have had if Brent was
employed. It could have financially
destroyed us, more so than the unemployment.
Just before
Christmas I was at a Relief Society progressive dinner. At each home we went to a spiritual thought
was given about the Savior’s birth. I
remember being caught completely off guard when the presenter mentioned that
the angels didn’t visit the rich or the wealthy but the humble in heart. I could feel warmth fill my soul and the
spirit give an impression to my heart. I
felt it telling me there is significance in a humbling experience and that
there was a purpose in our humbling experience and the humble circumstances of
Ethan’s delivery and birth. Ethan has
been such a joy and a blessing to our family.
I can’t imagine life without him and I’m so grateful to have had both
our lives spared nearly a year ago.
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